every head bowed, every eye closed

church is tomorrow. early: 8 am. i work tomorrow as well, 11-630. what do i do? get up, go to church, go to work, come home and crash? nope. can't do that, i have homework. and lots of it. so what do i sacrifice? well, work can't be sacrificed, i'll lose my job. homework has to be done, there's deadlines. but church? eh, God can wait to fit into my schedule.
i just caught myself thinking this very thought. i haven't been to church since spring break. spring break -that's over a month ago now. should i feel guilty? no. attendence or lack thereof should not weigh heavily on a christian... it has nothing to do with salvation. but i want to go. it's not like a get a "spiritual high" or whatever from going... i just feel better about myself, as if things are more organized and prioritized when i go. oh, i'll go next week. yeah right. said that last week. and the week before that. i'm not doing anything, i'm just worn out. work on saturday and the only "day off" is sunday. i sleep. is that bad?
i don't feel like i should be forced to go to church, but sometimes, that's the best thing. a little "hold-me-down-and-make-me-go" doesn't hurt every now and then. my parents didn't necessarily force me to go, but i went, because it was understood that we go every sunday.
sometimes you're forced to focus on God. i like that, sometimes. if you've been to a massive revival or gathering, you've heard the phrase "every head bowed, every eye closed." it's a force-fed devo time between you and God. they sort-of command you to focus. sort of make you focus. sort of make you realize your priorities.
my priorities are messed up now. i'm not alone in that during this time of the year. busy people have little time for the little things. church isn't little though. it's essential. not for faith, redemption, salvation or any of that. it's essential for the human. God doesn't need you to be there, but you need you to be there. i need me to be there.
i'm preaching to myself. and honestly, i'm probably not gonna get up and go tomorrow to church. i'm too tired. it's bad that i write about this, then not convience myself to go... isn't it?
maybe i need a little push. a little incentive. i have to go because of ______. yeah. something like that. a responsibility.
well it's coming. with me being hired as the children's ministry intern at university christian church, i'll have to go. it's my job... it's my responsibility.
i hate my thought process on this. i pray it will change, and that my priorities will get straightened out. they're not right now.
i'll go to church. next week.