The Waiting Game

The waiting game isn't the game most people want to play. Why is it even called the "waiting game"? I don't want to play. I want to play the "I'm not waiting" game. That sounds more fun.

I have been waiting for quite a while for a job to pop up, a church I can go work in, a ministry I can build up, tear down, rebuild, create, anything... just a chance to succeed and a chance to grow. I haven't been given that opportunity, and it's bothering me to the point where I'm venting to no one in cyberland.

Here it is, March 28th, the time where I should be interviewing left and right for jobs all over the country... and yet, here I am, playing this boring game. I feel like I am ready to begin my own ministry, at my own church... where I'm not an intern for the 5th time. I have the experience. I have the passion. I have the energy. I have the time. I just don't have a job.

I understand the importance of patience, and how this causes me to slow down and ask for God's guidance. I do get that. Seriously, I really do. I've been playing the "patience" game for quite a while. I pray that God would give me patience and guidance. It's His timing, but how much longer will it take? How much older do I have to be? How many more internships will it take? How many more "no's" and "we're looking for someone with more experiences" will it take?

I'm to the point where I'm considering moving back home to Oklahoma with my parents. Yeah, I'm married. It will be 3 years in June... and we still don't have a home. We still don't have a job. This is not how I saw God's plan working in my life.

I know this whole post may sound immature and counterproductive to me finding a job. I've been advised to not explode with my feelings of rejection and getting the run-around. I understand why. A church might not want to hire me because of some flare-up where I express my frustration. That's fine. I get it. I don't want my current frustration to come across to a potential employer as a negative for hiring me. Maybe they'll understand my situation a little better, and possibly see my desire, passion, and tears of wanting to work with kids, teaching them about God's love and grace.

This game I've been playing has taken it's toll on me. Especially this year... I have been sick more than ever. It's starting to effect me physically. I still have energy and time and desire, I just don't have a home. A place to call my own. Children to call mine (Children's ministry-wise). I feel like I've been walking around the desert, and I'm already sick of it. I don't want to go the full 40 of the waiting game.

This is me being dramatic. This is me venting. I apologize. I ask that you pray for me. I ask that you pray for Holly. I ask that you pray that God's will be done in our lives. We have opened our hearts, our minds, and our lives to do His will... and it seems like life is going nowhere as of now. It's hard to see the light at the end of the tunnel. It's harder for me, because I'm critical. I would like to be optimistic, for that's what I'm supposed to be... but it's hard right now to do so.

And if you've read this, thanks. I know it's boring, and you will have your opinions, as you are entitled to... but just know that I will not give up. Call. Email. Facebook. Text.... whatever you want to do, if you feel the need.

Much love,

Clint